Why is it every time I find a nice girl, I fuck myself over. I need to just stop trying.
Confession Time for My Tumblr Buds
I once had a friend, (yes… one friend…) she was rad. I met her in high school, along with my first girlfriend when I was a sophomore. She was a lesbian in all sense of the term, and was totally rad. She was beautiful too! Long brown hair, green eyes and short as hell. We hung out A LOT we would smoke pot and she would play songs she knew on her guitar. Together we explored our home town, met people, partied, drank way too much, and talked all night and into the wee hours of the morning. This one time I took her to gay prom in this little part of town called Hillcrest, I didn’t have a license to drive but, we HAD to go, it was too much fun to miss. She would spend the night at my house and we would even sleep in the same bed. She was the closest friend I had ever had (that was still platonic.) It was years later, after I had graduated and she as well, that she moved away to Arizona. I missed her but, people move away, such is life. The same time that year I was bumming my way through life in California, when a friend calls me and says that there’s a job in Arizona for me. Three weeks later I moved out of my parents house and had my own place and a cat. We had always talked, her and I, but never saw each other while in Arizona. Then everything between me and her changed. It was Christmas time, I had a week off from my job at the time and she had winter break. We were back, together in our home town once again. One night, while I was enjoying the company of my parents and the people of the house, my friend messages me and says that there’s a party at his girlfriends house! I thought it would be fun so I decided to go. Then I get a message from the girl saying something I had never thought would happen, a message that would change our relationship forever. She messaged me saying ” I want to have sex”, I honestly thought it was a joke. I asked if she wanted to come to the party she said “yes”. I picked her up and we talked about it in the car and at the party, I was still hesitant thinking it would totally fuck up our relationship and to not do it. We got a little smashed at the party and, seeing as how I only lived a few blocks down the road, I drove us home only thinking of not getting pulled over. We came back to my parents house and went into the living room, everyone else being asleep and me having no room in the house as I had moved out of a few months prior, and continued to talk. I finally agreed to have sex with her but, I told her that there was a circumstance, I told her to say that this wouldn’t change anything in our relationship. She said yes and we continued. It was nice, she was a friend and at the same time she was there, having sex with a goon like me. In the morning we went for coffee but, it was different she was cold and seemed upset (I can’t imagine why) and told me to just take her home. After that things went downhill, she stopped contacting me and ended up blocking me on Facebook. To this day I still wonder how she is, how college is going for her, and if we will ever mend our broken friendship. I wish I could talk with her again and have our late night coffee runs and drives. I miss her more than any friend I have ever lost in life, and I always wish she would just send me a text or message or call to catch up but, I know she won’t. That ship has sailed, but maybe it will return to port to say “hello” again. Thank you for reading.